What if Gordon Ramsay and Dave Ramsey traded places?
I can just imagine how things might play out at my financial counseling session:
GORDON (Sifting through our "Unpaid Bills" Folder.): What is THIS? Macy's AND Home Depot? How many credit accounts do you need, you STUPID COW?
ME: Yes, chef!
GORDON (squinting in disgust at me): Oh shut up! Did you seriously charge 8 bags of mulch instead of paying cash from your "Home Improvement" envelope? ** bleep **
ME (eyes cast down): Yes, chef...
GORDON (in my face): LOOK AT ME! Why, why, WHY are you paying INTEREST on MULCH, DONKEY?!
ME (face on fire, tears running down my face): I-I-I really wanted the front flower bed to look nice for the party...
GORDON: C'mere YOU! GIMME THOSE CARDS! Now CUT them UP! NOW! NOW! NOW!
ME: (Trying desperately to cut up all my cards at once with kitchen shears so the Chef will get OFF my back, I snip my hand in the web between my thumb and pointer finger. I immediately pinch the cut shut, but not before the Chef looks up from my "Unpaid Bills" folder and spies the droplets of blood on the counter.)
GORDON: OMG, what have YOU DONE? Can't you do ANYTHING right, you inCOMpeTENT PIG!! ** bleep! ** SHUT IT DOWN! MEDIC!
[After the medic leaves.]
GORDON: (Pulling down his shirt front looking like he's about to TAKE FLIGHT! He snags a page from the printer.) Ok, here's your NEW BUDGET! Do you think you can handle it?
ME: YES, CHEF!
GORDON: PISS off!
**********************************
On the flip side: Would they rename the restaurant Heaven's Kitchen?
* Mostly organic....one way to describe me and my life!
29 July 2009
25 July 2009
Week Recap
MONDAY: Ped visit to figure out if Emi's massive congestion of late is allergies or a cold. Doc said it appears to be viral, gave us nose spray and a reference to the Move For Life program held at the hospital. This was not the first time she'd given us this sheet and she made no mention of taking blood this time so we registered immediately to attend this class so we can dodge that bullet. Emi is a big girl and her height and weight gives the doctor concern about childhood obesity and diabetes, etc. If you calculate BMI based strictly on weight and height measurements, one might be concerned, but I REALLY, REALLY think that ethnicity should be factored in as well. Not that we couldn't stand to be healthier. Move For Life sessions include parents and child and involve a dietician, P.E. teacher and a mental health therapist. I think it's a great idea and glad that the session is FREE. It sounds like they will cover many things that I could use a refresher on and Emi could stand to hear from someone besides her parents: positive body image, creative exercise, relaxation (yeah, buddy), positive reinforcement, nutrition... And they give incentives such as jump ropes, pedometers, water bottles, etc. Yeehaw!
TUESDAY: Made the rounds in our neighborhood distributing flyers for our annual block party for National Night Out. Last year we had grand plans hosting our first neighborhood watch block party; this year we are realistic. Pool party and refreshments, maybe a visit from our beat officer. Last year we had our mayor show up to the party. But I guess she had to seeing as she's in our neighborhood and all...but still it was nice to see the support! It took about an hour to distribute the flyers and I must say that our charming little neighborhood seems MUCH bigger canvassing on foot than when we haul A through it to get to another of Emi's activities. We swam for an hour after afterwards and I truly, truly, truly appreciate having a pool this summer!
WEDNESDAY: Twice weekly walk for the first (and only) time this week. Mapped the walk at mapmywalk.com and saw that we walked exactly 2 miles. Not bad for someone who isn't getting much exercise outside of yard work. Scott and I haven't had the nerve/energy(gumption?) to start up the 30 Day Shred again since we returned from FL. 7 WEEKS AGO!!! Yes, we plan to resume TDS very soon! Also, massive yard work with mowing the front yard, trimming the hang over in the dogs' yard and weeding the hell out of the area around the pool. We actually got out the flamethrower to zap the grass/weeds growing in the flagstone patio...nice... smells nice and woodsy out there now!
THURSDAY: Zumba! Survived my first session of Zumba and I can't believe how much I sweat! I mean, perspire... At first the conference room was chilly with the fan blowing super chilled air on us. But after a few minutes of my very graceless movements mimicking the very graceful instructor, I was very grateful for the fan. Maybe the laughing kicked it up a notch for me? I think we dance/moved to 5-6 different songs and just as soon as I "got" a move, we went on to something else. Was odd gyrating my hips in front of people that work with me and I think next time they should dim the lights or pass out shots of Petrone.
FRIDAY: Barely got through the day! TGIF! Ordered Zumba DVDs so that the whole fam can get in on this wild dance/exercise craze...
TUESDAY: Made the rounds in our neighborhood distributing flyers for our annual block party for National Night Out. Last year we had grand plans hosting our first neighborhood watch block party; this year we are realistic. Pool party and refreshments, maybe a visit from our beat officer. Last year we had our mayor show up to the party. But I guess she had to seeing as she's in our neighborhood and all...but still it was nice to see the support! It took about an hour to distribute the flyers and I must say that our charming little neighborhood seems MUCH bigger canvassing on foot than when we haul A through it to get to another of Emi's activities. We swam for an hour after afterwards and I truly, truly, truly appreciate having a pool this summer!
WEDNESDAY: Twice weekly walk for the first (and only) time this week. Mapped the walk at mapmywalk.com and saw that we walked exactly 2 miles. Not bad for someone who isn't getting much exercise outside of yard work. Scott and I haven't had the nerve/energy(gumption?) to start up the 30 Day Shred again since we returned from FL. 7 WEEKS AGO!!! Yes, we plan to resume TDS very soon! Also, massive yard work with mowing the front yard, trimming the hang over in the dogs' yard and weeding the hell out of the area around the pool. We actually got out the flamethrower to zap the grass/weeds growing in the flagstone patio...nice... smells nice and woodsy out there now!
THURSDAY: Zumba! Survived my first session of Zumba and I can't believe how much I sweat! I mean, perspire... At first the conference room was chilly with the fan blowing super chilled air on us. But after a few minutes of my very graceless movements mimicking the very graceful instructor, I was very grateful for the fan. Maybe the laughing kicked it up a notch for me? I think we dance/moved to 5-6 different songs and just as soon as I "got" a move, we went on to something else. Was odd gyrating my hips in front of people that work with me and I think next time they should dim the lights or pass out shots of Petrone.
FRIDAY: Barely got through the day! TGIF! Ordered Zumba DVDs so that the whole fam can get in on this wild dance/exercise craze...
19 July 2009
Scary Moments Followed by Bliss...
After battling to clarify the water in the pool for a couple of months we decided to drain it completely and fill it in with sand. Kidding. Draining it took about 14 hours and we discovered our pool is a LOT bigger than we thought (after 4 years of living here). And THAT could have been why it was so difficult to get the pool completely clear (chemistry off. It was scary to walk by the partially drained pool because it was so deep. Taking a header into a filled pool would be embarassing. Taking a header into our drained pool would be fatal (and embarassing). It was dusk when we started the process and Scott stubbed his foot a couple of times on some of the flagstone rocks in our patio. So whenever I was in the house attending other needs like, oh, sleeping, I'd suddenly think he'd sailed head first into the pool and have to check on him. It cut seriously into my sleep, but I'm happy to report that nothing more serious than the stubbed toe happened, to Scott anyway.
Right after dusk when the pool was drained a couple of inches, the bats came out and 1 widdle guy ate the wall and had to be fished out. He lived to shake himself off and fly off quietly (no doubt red faced) and there were no further casualties.
We took measurements of the drained pool and were surprised to calculate close to 30,000 gallon capacity whereas the pool place where we take our samples had us listed at 20,000 gallons. Whoopsie. So we've got a handle on THAT now! Our lovely neighbors who we adore and hold in high esteem were kind enough to help us fill the pool. So, with both hoses going, it took about 45 hours to refill.
Next year we HAVE to re-plaster the pool but for now we can once again enjoy our pool!
Right after dusk when the pool was drained a couple of inches, the bats came out and 1 widdle guy ate the wall and had to be fished out. He lived to shake himself off and fly off quietly (no doubt red faced) and there were no further casualties.
We took measurements of the drained pool and were surprised to calculate close to 30,000 gallon capacity whereas the pool place where we take our samples had us listed at 20,000 gallons. Whoopsie. So we've got a handle on THAT now! Our lovely neighbors who we adore and hold in high esteem were kind enough to help us fill the pool. So, with both hoses going, it took about 45 hours to refill.
Next year we HAVE to re-plaster the pool but for now we can once again enjoy our pool!
08 July 2009
Eleven
Lately I've had some very vivid memory recalls from my childhood. Listening to Funkytown during Emi's birthday party 2 weekends back (we included it on her surprise birthday playlist) made me think about the small black Radio Shack transistor radio that I listened to in the summer of 1980 when I SHOULD have been sleeping. The thing is, I COULDN'T sleep because whenever I closed my eyes, images of a demon-possessed little girl popped into my brain. I would lay in my bed with that radio under my pillow as close to my ear as possible trying to drown out my thoughts. My imagination won a lot, but occasionally I managed to get some sleep and Funkytown was among the oft played songs that I heard way too often that summer. [Note: I would also read until my eyes crossed (Beverly Cleary and Judy Blume as I recall) and the family dog was trapped in my room just in case. If I was visited by a demon it would go into the dog, or so I was told. I KNOW! What were my parents thinking by allowing me to watch The Exorcist at such a tender age? And then comforting me with the dog bit when I asked how to protect myself from demons? I am pretty sure I can trace all my neuroses back to that particular summer.]
Reminiscing about that radio made me think about just how far technology has come. Whereas my newly-turned-7-year-old has an iPod and can hear a song on TV/radio/internet that she likes, download it and own in within a few minutes [with parental permission, of course], I at 11, had to either wait for the song to come on the radio and hit the Play & Record buttons on my cassette player a split second later OR wait until someone was going to the mall, hitch a ride and buy the 45 at Record Bar (if I had the funds). I, at 7 years old had a Zenith transistor radio that I listened to on occasion - I distinctly remember listening to Feliz Navidad on that radio. I was not neglected - nosiree - I spent most of my days outside playing in my treehouse, riding my bike, fishing and roaming the woods behind our property. In those days a girl could truly be alone with her thoughts and really ponder things. These days it takes less than 17 seconds of being home before I hear "I'm bored" uttered. Really? Let's take away the HDTV with satellite dish and DVR, iPod, computer/internet, DS - all electronics, in fact - and the pool. Now, the concept of being "bored" can be imagined but not quite felt because there are all these books and board games to keep boredom at bay.
Speaking of technology, last weekend I was rooting through a box of old pictures that my Uncle Jay gave me to scan (from my Nanny's and PawPaw's collection) and I ran across these pictures.
They brought back memories of things I haven't thought of in almost 30 years! (I think The Exorcist images/sounds scorched the innocent 5th grade memories from my brain!). The first picture is of the first friend I made when we moved to Oklahoma from Florida in 1979. The 2nd is a photo of me and my sisters (taken by whom I do not know).
Both photos were taken with an Argus Seventy Five camera that I had recently acquired at a neighborhood garage sale. That camera sparked my interest in photography and I am pretty sure I hocked it to buy beer and cigarettes! (Later on in high school, not later that summer! C'mon!) . So I am on a quest to find me another Argus 75 and set things right....capturing clearer more quality photos this time. E-bay and craigslist (and garage sales) here I come!
Reminiscing about that radio made me think about just how far technology has come. Whereas my newly-turned-7-year-old has an iPod and can hear a song on TV/radio/internet that she likes, download it and own in within a few minutes [with parental permission, of course], I at 11, had to either wait for the song to come on the radio and hit the Play & Record buttons on my cassette player a split second later OR wait until someone was going to the mall, hitch a ride and buy the 45 at Record Bar (if I had the funds). I, at 7 years old had a Zenith transistor radio that I listened to on occasion - I distinctly remember listening to Feliz Navidad on that radio. I was not neglected - nosiree - I spent most of my days outside playing in my treehouse, riding my bike, fishing and roaming the woods behind our property. In those days a girl could truly be alone with her thoughts and really ponder things. These days it takes less than 17 seconds of being home before I hear "I'm bored" uttered. Really? Let's take away the HDTV with satellite dish and DVR, iPod, computer/internet, DS - all electronics, in fact - and the pool. Now, the concept of being "bored" can be imagined but not quite felt because there are all these books and board games to keep boredom at bay.
Speaking of technology, last weekend I was rooting through a box of old pictures that my Uncle Jay gave me to scan (from my Nanny's and PawPaw's collection) and I ran across these pictures.
They brought back memories of things I haven't thought of in almost 30 years! (I think The Exorcist images/sounds scorched the innocent 5th grade memories from my brain!). The first picture is of the first friend I made when we moved to Oklahoma from Florida in 1979. The 2nd is a photo of me and my sisters (taken by whom I do not know). Both photos were taken with an Argus Seventy Five camera that I had recently acquired at a neighborhood garage sale. That camera sparked my interest in photography and I am pretty sure I hocked it to buy beer and cigarettes! (Later on in high school, not later that summer! C'mon!) . So I am on a quest to find me another Argus 75 and set things right....capturing clearer more quality photos this time. E-bay and craigslist (and garage sales) here I come!
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